painful honesty

I have been married 20 years, and have been a Navy wife 20 years.

Among many things, this means that I have spent many birthdays, holidays and just days on end without my husband.

In fact, our first Christmas married, Mike was in boot camp.
Then after graduating from Auburn, he was in OCS in Pensalcola.
Of course, there was the 5 months in Haiti in the fall of 1996.
Our son's first Christmas, 1997, Mike was deployed to Cuba.
The next year, he was in Japan for 4 months.
When I was pregnant with Zion, he was in dive school - 4 states away.
In Feb. 2003, just after Isaac's 3rd birthday, Mike left for Iraq for 6 months. Zion was 18 months, Michael was 5.
Mike missed most of his kindergarten milestones. The joys of hearing your first son read his first words.

These were the "long" trips........I can't keep up with all the 2 weeks here, a month there, 3 weeks home and gone another 5 weeks. Those have been too many to count.

But with all honesty, the painful kind. God has used these single mom marathons to teach me a lot of things. Mostly, I am learning some lessons over and over. (I am thick headed like that). The big one - lean on ME - Abba - Daddy - not Mike.

Mike is a great husband, a great dad, a great man, but he is not God. I expect too much from him. I turn to him for some things, that I should turn to God for. In my own control-freak ways to fix this brokenness, we have gone though 10+ couples Bible Studies -parenting ones - Bringing Up Boys - and on and on.

Bible Studies are great! Don't misunderstand me! I LOVED Bringing up Boys (by Dr. James Dobson) and there are always great tips in books like "Love and Respect" and others. (Sheet Music - I highly recommend too -and it has NOTHING to do with singing)

But everytime I find myself back at the same ole place.

WHY??

Because I am still trying to control the situation with a FIX-IT attitude.
And God is still saying to me,
"Melda, I got it - TRUST ME!"

So, here I find myself in the same 'ole place.
Mike in Guam for possibly two years, and me and the boys, in San Diego.
I decided to join a women's only Life Group and work on MELDA for a change.
What a concept! (I told you I was hard-headed)

So.....the next few blogs coming out will be my random wanderings through the study,
Captivating, by John and Staci Eldridge

I am sure that a look inward, instead of outward will be the most rewarding.

God has big plans for me.