Lessons of Life

Radical Experiment link (I hope)

2010-03-11T15:59:00.000-08:00

Please take the time to listen.

It's amazing.........really

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/the-radical-experiment-2010/

disappointment

2010-03-09T21:43:00.000-08:00

I really believe that one of the worst Lessons of Life is disappointment. I thought being disappointed myself was tough, but having your child disappointed is almost more than I can bear.

Zion has the gene from both Mike and I to be competitive. Sadly, Zion also shares our other genes - which makes him small for his age. I am 5'3 and Mike is 5'10 (with shoes) and Zion is just not going to be a giant. To add insult to injury - he has two adopted brothers that are, indeed, going to be huge. (Michael, at age 12, wears 11 1/2 size shoes, yes, men's shoes)

Zion in February competed in the county wide AWANA games, in which his team came in last. He was not sad, he was TICKED!

When I gave him the, "you did your best!" speech -

he replied to me, "THAT'S STUPID!!!"

I couldn't say much after that. I honestly hate to lose, and it doesn't make me feel better to think that I did my best and my best was inferior to the competition. I might actually feel better if someone said, "you were having a bad day. Any other day, you would have taken them OUT!"

So - March rolls around and auditons for the church musical/play are here. Zion was so excited to be in the play, and he practiced the script for a week before his audition. We talked about how you would act if the line was sad. We talked about body language and we talked about a big strong voice. He had to sing, "Here I Am To Worship" which we also practiced to and from school in the van.

He was ready, and I just knew he would get a part.

In addition to his hard work, he is adorable, (right?)

Auditions were Saturday and the email came out on Sunday with the "Call Back" list.

Isaac was on it, but not Zion.

I scanned the list again, and again......and, okay, one more time. No Zion Thornton. It must be a mistake. Maybe they got Isaac and Zion mixed up.

Zion worked so hard - and Isaac only read through the script once.

I emailed the director - "not to question you, but I just wanted to make sure you wanted Isaac for CALL BACKS and not Zion. Isaac wasn't even sure he wanted a speaking part, and Zion practiced all week."

Return email; "Yes, Isaac read for a part and was really confident. Zion seemed shy and quiet"

BUMMER.......while I was happy for Isaac - I know that, in the big picture, Isaac wouldn't really care. He is a "go with the flow" kinda kid.

Now what?

How do I tell Zion?

How do you prepare your child for all the disappointments of life?

I waited until Monday night, after dinner, when I needed to get Isaac started on practice for Call Backs. I could delay no longer.

I called Zion into my room. I picked him up so I could look in his eye. I told him in the most gentle way that I could, "I got an email about the play. You didn't get a speaking part this time."

He glares at me for a second, and the lip starts to quiver, then the sobs begin. I hold him tight and bite my lip to fight back my own tears. I sit down on my bed with him and just hold him. I didn't dare try for the "you did your best" bit.

I told him about how the Bible says that every part is important. Like your body parts. Even though your little toe is tiny - it still helps you balance and walk straight. And everyone in the play can share God's love with all the people watching the play.

It took him a while to come around.

First he wanted to quit the play.

I told him that wasn't an option.

Later in the evening he quietly says, "Mommy, can I sleep with you?"

We snuggled up together and read a chapter of "Hank Zipzer" in my bed.

Isaac comes down and has the play script in his hand.

Zion doesn't say anything, but after a little while - he begins to look at the script again and help read lines as Isaac practices.

I decide that he is going to be okay.

maybe sometimes just being there, without having the right words to say.......

will be enough.

(*play photo from last year: An Unlikely Hero")

Captivating.........Chapter one

2010-03-03T19:21:00.000-08:00

Captivating is a book for women. The goal of the book is to unveil the mystery of a Woman's Soul. And I learned more about mine than I was ready for.

What does it mean to be a woman?

The Bible says in Genesis that God created us in his image:
but what does that mean?
What does it look like?

Is a true woman like Cinderella or Joan of Arc?

How can I become a strong woman without becoming harsh?

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

My heart, as a woman, is the most important thing about me.

What are the true desires of a woman's heart?

#1) A woman wants to be romanced.

We want to be in a story of life where the hero comes to look for us - to find us and rescue us.

We want to feel like we are worth fighting for.

We want to be seen, noticed, wanted and pursued.
Our actions cry out, "do you think I am lovely?"

We want to be precious to someone, and it starts with our earthly father.

#2) A woman wants to be part of something big.

Something that requires all of me.
Something dangerous.
Something worth dying for.

The heart of a woman is fierce! But we don't want to do it alone.
We want to be in this adventure with others.
Our lives were meant to be lived with others.

#3) A woman has a beauty to unveil

Psalm 45:11 The King is enthralled by your beauty.

Our modern culture has turned the idea of beauty into something that is not Godly. Because of this worldly view that most of us carry with us, we have hardened our hearts to the desire to be beautiful. We need to accept who we are in Christ and walk in that beauty. Very few women that I know are comfortable in their own skin.
I grew up as a tomboy on a farm - and I struggled with this portion of the Bible Study.
The tomboy can't be the princess....it just doesn't work. But deep inside my heart, the desire to be beautiful was still there.

We want to have a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who we truly are. We want a beauty that is not only seen, but felt.
A beauty that affects others. With this kind of beauty, we inspire the men in our lives to be the hero that God has placed in his heart to be.

Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul
John and Stasi Eldredge
Thomas Nelson Publishing 2005

Captivating.......or not yet.

2010-03-02T19:57:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been about 3 weeks since I said I was going to blog on my latest Bible Study - Captivating. In the meantime, my friend Heather challenged those reading her blog to listen to a sermon series by David Platt, a pastor at Brooks Hills Church in Birmingham Alabama. I started it a few times, clicked it off because it was almost an hour and didn't ever make the time to listen.

Last Friday, I had a long road trip, so I decided to put the sermons on my iPod and listen to them while I drove. The boys were all in school - so I had time to "REALLY" listen, not just hear it, you know?

So, it is something. I mean, in a way that makes you think and feel motivated but yet really, really convicted all at the same time. I think it's really cool how the Holy Spirit can do that. There is a difference between guilt and conviction by the way. Only one is from God.

http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/the-radical-experiment-2010/

If you can find the sermon series, I also encourage you to listen to it.
If you have iTunes - you can go to the Podcast section of the iTunes Store and download the sermons for free - it's called the RADICAL EXPERIMENT.

In the meantime, while all the RADICAL stuff is spinning in my head - I still want to wrap up my thoughts on Captivating. My friend Heather is GREAT at blogging her thoughts, even when she is still spinning things around in her head. For me, not so much.....I feel like I have to wrap my brain around it first.

My thoughts are so random anyway......if I just typed it all out as it spins around in my head, no one would be able to follow it.

Of course, I say that as I have NO followers on my blog! :P But I'm not writing it for anyone else. It's an online journal of my journey - through the ups and downs and lessons I am learning. So.......maybe it doesn't matter if I have it all figured out in my head.

Regardless - listen to the RADICAL EXPERIMENT. It could change your life.

PS....I really wish I knew how to post a link on this crazy thing......I tried 5 times, and it's still not here.

painful honesty

2010-02-11T15:45:00.001-08:00

I have been married 20 years, and have been a Navy wife 20 years.

Among many things, this means that I have spent many birthdays, holidays and just days on end without my husband.

In fact, our first Christmas married, Mike was in boot camp.
Then after graduating from Auburn, he was in OCS in Pensalcola.
Of course, there was the 5 months in Haiti in the fall of 1996.
Our son's first Christmas, 1997, Mike was deployed to Cuba.
The next year, he was in Japan for 4 months.
When I was pregnant with Zion, he was in dive school - 4 states away.
In Feb. 2003, just after Isaac's 3rd birthday, Mike left for Iraq for 6 months. Zion was 18 months, Michael was 5.
Mike missed most of his kindergarten milestones. The joys of hearing your first son read his first words.

These were the "long" trips........I can't keep up with all the 2 weeks here, a month there, 3 weeks home and gone another 5 weeks. Those have been too many to count.

But with all honesty, the painful kind. God has used these single mom marathons to teach me a lot of things. Mostly, I am learning some lessons over and over. (I am thick headed like that). The big one - lean on ME - Abba - Daddy - not Mike.

Mike is a great husband, a great dad, a great man, but he is not God. I expect too much from him. I turn to him for some things, that I should turn to God for. In my own control-freak ways to fix this brokenness, we have gone though 10+ couples Bible Studies -parenting ones - Bringing Up Boys - and on and on.

Bible Studies are great! Don't misunderstand me! I LOVED Bringing up Boys (by Dr. James Dobson) and there are always great tips in books like "Love and Respect" and others. (Sheet Music - I highly recommend too -and it has NOTHING to do with singing)

But everytime I find myself back at the same ole place.

WHY??

Because I am still trying to control the situation with a FIX-IT attitude.
And God is still saying to me,
"Melda, I got it - TRUST ME!"

So, here I find myself in the same 'ole place.
Mike in Guam for possibly two years, and me and the boys, in San Diego.
I decided to join a women's only Life Group and work on MELDA for a change.
What a concept! (I told you I was hard-headed)

So.....the next few blogs coming out will be my random wanderings through the study,
Captivating, by John and Staci Eldridge

I am sure that a look inward, instead of outward will be the most rewarding.

God has big plans for me.

IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-28T09:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, really.......I wish I had a dollar for every time my boys screamed this phrase at each other, (or even at me for that matter.)

Justice is a big deal to kids, well, to all of us really. We have within us a sense of fairness, maybe not in relation to everyone else, but certainly for OURSELVES!

And no matter how many times I get frustrated and say, "well, Life's not fair!" I still go back and try to make it all fair.

I try to make Christmas "fair" (spending the same amount of money on each kid)

I try to make mealtime "fair" (dividing the strawberries so everyone gets 5 each)

and even trying to make punishment "fair"

This may be the hardest one of all.

Example: I am making dinner. The boys are supposed to be getting showers/ jammies and cleaning their rooms. Upstairs we have 3 bedrooms (everyone has their own) but only one bathroom, so I hear.......

screaming like this..........

"Gross!! flush your poop!!"

"It stinks in here!"

"YOU STINK!"

"I can't take a shower in here!"

"Don't touch me!"

"Mom said you have to take a shower, so SMELL IT!"

"FLUSH THE TOILET!" (flush)

"MOM!!!!! MICHAEL FLUSHED THE TOILET WHILE I WAS STILL SITTING ON IT"

BAM

BOOM

CRASH

"STUPID"

"DUMMY"

BAM

BOOM

CRASH

"STOP IT"

"YOU STOP IT"

"YOU STARTED IT"

"MOM!!!!!!!!!!"

"TATTLE-TAIL!"

So I go upstairs and everyone starts talking at once. Someone will start crying usually, and ALWAYS I hear what the other person did that was wrong. The injustice dealt, and the punishment they should recieve.

Never once, in my life, have I heard a child (mine or anyone's) walk up to the mom and say, "I just did my best at trying to kill my brother.......I should be grounded for the rest of my life."

I send everyone to their room. Get the story from everyone, separately.... and then try to decide what the punishment is for trying to kill your brother (physically or with a stink bomb).

The punishment is never strong enough for the brother and always too strong for them.
And once again, "IT'S NOT FAIR"

I decided last year that the punishment should be the same, no matter what the offense.

So I said, "you were both fighting, you are both grounded"

"BUT HE STARTED IT"

"YOU have the choice and the power to do what is right, no matter if everyone else is doing something wrong. It doesn't matter who started it, hitting someone is a sin and you are both grounded".

"that's not fair! you are the WORST MOTHER EVER!"

In my anger, I will not sin. Ephesians 4:26

I quote this often in the heat of battle. Sometimes for the kids benefit and sometimes for my own. (they have no idea how far I have come with self control)

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

For the wages of sin is death Romans 6:23

BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!

........Romans 3:24 but we are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

.............Romans 6:23b but the GIFT of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank you God for your grace and mercy. Thank you God for your son Jesus.

Thank you God, that my life is not fair.

I DID NOT vote for Obama.

2009-01-20T15:05:00.001-08:00

but I will pray for him.

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone- for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.
I Timothy 2:1-2

When the Godly are in authority, the people rejoice, but when the wicked are in power, they groan. - Proverbs 29:2

You can join a team of people called the Presidental Prayer Team.

www.presidentalprayerteam.org

It's really a BRAND NAME product you know........

2009-01-18T19:01:00.001-08:00

Okay, so.....as I have said before, my brain is random.

So I started thinking about all the things in America that we use by the BRAND NAME.

You know.......like,

Band-Aids

Play-dough

Kleenex

Tylenol

(it's really adhesive bandages / facial tissue / acetaminophen / and who knows what Play-dough is really..........all I know is Play-dough)

And in the south, all soda is COKE.

And then there is God.

Yeah, the real one.

..... so many people in America are into the generic form of God.

It got me thinking.

If God had a copyright on HIS name, he would be REALLY, like- SUPER rich.

But then, God doesn't really seem like the sue happy type to me.

What is my random brain getting to?

Be careful.

Don't use the word GOD like a generic product. (He can hear you, you know)

and besides that,

it's just not right. He even says so.

(Try Exodus Chapter 20 if you don't believe me)

...You can always come home.

2009-01-09T09:19:00.001-08:00

Last night Zion had a sleep-over at a friend's house.

10:37pm, the phone rings.

That first thought of a late night phone call is never good.

I muster up my most cheerful, "hello?"

"Hi Melda, it's Felicia"

"Is everything okay?"

"Zion misses his mommy and wants to come home"

"That's fine. I'll come get him"

"NO NO, I'll bring him home, we will be there in 10 minutes"

The 10 minutes seemed like 10 hours. Zion is my 'baby', but he usually goes places without a thought. Even as a toddler, he never was the kid screaming at the nursery door at church.

I meet them at the car, barefoot and in my jammies. Zion jumps out of the car, runs to me and throws his arms around me. I almost lost it there. I thank them for bringing him home and apologize for the late night. As I pick Zion up, he wraps his arms, (and legs) around me tight.

As we come in the house, he hops down from my arms and heads up to his room. I follow him up and help him get ready for bed. I didn't ask any questions, I just waited.

As I snuggle him in and kneel beside his bed for prayers, the pout forms and the tears start.

"Zion, did something bad happen at their house?"

a teary 'yes' was his reply.

Again, I wait.

"They have a TV in their room and they were watching a scary show.........

.....I wish I could just sleep in YOUR bed tonight."

So back down the stairs we went.

As we come into the bedroom, Mike gives me that half smile. He knew that was coming.
Zion climbs us in the middle of our bed, snuggles in and closes his eyes. He is home. He feels safe.

I said, "Zy, no matter where you are, you can always come home"

And in that moment, I felt the love of my heavenly Father.......Abba, Daddy......
No matter where we are, what we have done........we can always come home.

Happy New Year! 2009

2009-01-04T10:05:00.000-08:00

So who started new years resolutions?

It seems to be the topic of newscasts, newspapers and neighborhoods. In fact, even our church is doing a series called, "Under Construction": discussing ways that God is always using us to build and shape and mold ourselves to be more like Him.

Because of all the hype, without much prompting, I think most of us find ourselves looking back on the last year, and thinking about ways to improve the next.

#1 doesn't everyone (almost) vow to eat better or exercise more (or both?)
How is that REALLY possible with four college football games New Year's Day?
(have you EVER been to a football party where something healthy was offered to eat?)

Okay, I admit it, I think I would benefit from more exercise and less junk food.
But it really does TASTE better than salad, and I hate to run.
The real motivation has to come from somewhere.

Last year my father-in-law died at the young age of 57. He had liver failure and heart problems, and was unhealthy for most of the time I knew him. Overweight, smoking and watching TV for a sport. He was a wonderful, caring man. He would, literally, give you the shirt off his back. In fact, when Mike and I married, we didn't have a mattress, he gave us one. We didn't learn until later, that he gave us HIS.

Would his life be different if he hadn't smoked?

.......if he had walked a mile (or 2) instead of watching a 30 minute sitcom?

........IF...............

WHAT IF ?

What if I KNEW that I could add 10 years to my life by walking that 30 minutes after work?

What if I knew that eating an apple instead of a bag of chips would prevent a heart attack when I'm 60?

What if I knew the future and could see the results of my actions?

Wouldn't that be ROCKING COOL??

Wouldn't it be EASIER to make the right choices if I just KNEW the outcome?

Jeremiah: 29
This is what the Lord Almighty the God of Israel says....
Build houses and settle down: plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters. Increase in number. Seek the peace and prosperity of the city, because if it prospers, you too will prosper. For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I believe the outcome has been chosen for me.........

will I do what it takes to make it happen?

Maybe I will take a walk and think about it....... and take an apple with me.

Happy New Year!

Did I mention my brain is RANDOM??

2008-12-19T10:43:00.000-08:00

Just so you know.............

I created this blog to journal memories, for the most part. I am a scrapbooker, but never can seem to find the time to DRAG IT ALL OUT and get the stories with the photos. So...... since a picture is only worth 1000 words IF you have the story........ my goal is to go through my photos, and write (type) the memories that the photos bring to mind.

So, if people with ADD drive you nuts........don't read my blog.

It's TOTALLY random and not in ANY kind of time line order.

Seriously, I can't fix that.

Christmas Milestone

2008-12-17T19:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I just realized today, (after doing a little math) that this Christmas is a milestone for me. It will mark my 20th Christmas as a Thornton, passing up the 19 years I spent as a Garrison before marriage.

I grew up in a small farm town in Alabama, not even a mile from at least 3 sets of relatives. I spent time at my grandparents every week. And we had a "Waltons" style get-together to celebrate family birthdays and holidays. Christmas was HUGE, I mean, not tons of presents, but tons of people, food, and fun. When I think back, I am actually amazed at the folks that my Papa and Granny packed into a modest size home. My grandmother always opened the door to greet you with a smile, ready to feed you and make you feel welcome. I remember my parents, aunts and uncles playing games and laughing for hours. I don't have a SINGLE memory of watching TV ......not because I don't remember, but because we just didn't watch it. WE PLAYED.......what a concept!

Last but not least, it would be time to sing. I don't know if it's an old fashioned tradition, or if it just comes from a family of music lovers.........but old church hymnals would be passed around, someone would sit at the piano and another person would call out the number of their request. We usually started with Christmas songs, but ended up with good 'old hymns of any kind. Everyone sang along and all harmony parts were represented.

I don't think I really understood the value of family and my upbringing until I married a Navy man and moved from home.

I remember being shocked at the people we met that didn't go to church, not regularly, not ever.

"I will never fit into this life", I thought, and I begin to get homesick.

I was 19 working at a grocery store.......
too scared to "run home" and with a car that wouldn't make it even if I got up the courage.

At some point, an older, wiser military wife took me under her wing.

She told me, "Mike is your family now, those other people are just relatives."

I was actually offended by her comment, and deeply hurt.......she doesn't know me, my family, they will ALWAYS be my family!

Genesis 1:24 "for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife"

She wasn't right, was she?
Was God telling me to stick it out?

What I knew in my heart was that my family was close. We had always been there for each other. Things weren't perfect........ but we loved each other, before, during and after the hardships that had come our way. Hadn't the good outweighed the bad? What had I learned from my small town life that could possibly help me here in this mess?

I realized that having a great family is a wonderful blessing from God. But what got my family through hard times was not just leaning on each other. It was a faith in THE ONE that is strong when we are weak. It was a trust in THE ONE that will never let you down. It was standing on God's promises, when nothing else seemed clear.

I am thankful for my family this Christmas. My husband, my children and my extended family (relatives?) I am thankful for the lessons learned, (even the ones learned the hard way) and I am most thankful to a God that has held me in the palm of his hand every Christmas of my life.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

(Garrison family photos - Thanksgiving 2007, Cullman Alabama)

l-r Zion Thornton and Caleb Garrison (my "little" brother) playing football

Derrick Garrison (my other "little" brother) with Isaac Thornton on the 4-wheeler

last but not least...........

2008-12-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

............the Z man. (Zion)

Zion is the creme filling in our family OREO. (if you don't understand that, well.........)

He is the baby, but does his best to keep up with everyone. Even in attitude. He has a little of both brothers in him. He can be quiet and shy or loud and funny.

He falls into the "All-American Kid" category I guess. He wants to do everything his brothers do, plus his own thing. He has played soccer, (like Michael) football (like Isaac) and did T-ball on his own.

He is in the first grade at the Language Academy and is speaking Spanish well. He seems to have quiet a knack with the ladies, and even cut his hair this year because one of the girls in his class said she didn't like boys with bangs. (the buzz cut that followed is finally growing back out).

He took drum lessons for a while, but didn't want to practice. So we will see how the "inner musician" comes out later. He is hoping to be in the church musical this year. (he does sing at the top of his lungs from time to time).

His name means, "God's dwelling place" and our prayer is that God will always dwell within him and he will be a man after God's own heart.

and this is.........

2008-12-14T14:17:00.001-08:00

Isaac.

Isaac is almost 9 and was born in Houston, Texas. His name means, "laughter" and it is perfect for him! We adopted him at 3 days old and took him straight out of the hospital. (I looked over my shoulder wondering if anyone would stop a white woman with a black baby, but no one seemed to notice).

His glass is always 1/2 full and he makes the most of a situation.

He defines himself as a bookworm and it's about the only thing that can keep him still. Think about the news on CNN, the main story on the screen, the little box up in the right corner with another story and then the ticker running across the bottom..... (got that image) that's Isaac's brain! He is always processing at least 3 things and at ANY SECOND there can be a LIVE BREAKING NEWS FEED that is more important than the other 3 things going on. (but don't worry, he will come back to those eventually).

He has taught me the most about myself, (we are really a lot alike) and even share most of the same faults. It's not so cute to hear your child repeat your words spoken in anger back to you. (painful in fact), but we are growing and learning together.

Isaac will try just about anything. He has played football and soccer and takes swimming lessons at the YMCA in the hopes of being good enough for the water polo team. He also like a wide variety of food.

He is my special boy, I always wanted an Isaac.

Introducing............

2008-12-14T13:01:00.001-08:00

Michael.

My oldest son. (okay, our oldest son)

He was adopted from Haiti in November 1997. He was 4 months old then.

He is now tall and skinny and shy and motivated by food and little else. He is homeschooled and loves Legos. He wears glasses, runs fast and is starting to get armpit hair. What happened to the baby??

He wears size 9 men's shoes and likes to play soccer, (those feet do come in handy there).

He is a good swimmer, loves the ocean, and is somewhat of a loner. He can entertain himself for hours, which I didn't realize was a blessing to a busy mother. (at least until #2 and #3 came along).

He thinks stupid things are funny (like most teenagers) and likes to tease his younger brothers.

He is the little boy that made me a mother, and I love him with all my heart.

So my mother always said.......

2008-10-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

.......you should write that down.

My head is always spinning. (I really do think I have ADD) It (my brain) doesn't shut down. It goes from thought, to thought, to thought.......and I never suspected anyone else had the same problem. (or is it a blessing?)

So here begins the process, of trying to organize the random thoughts in my head into something that might possible make sense to someone else, or at the very least, give them a good laugh!

Until next time........